Talking Alone (Eng)

It looks like my future is really gray. I want this, want that. I want to be like this, I want to be like that Want to like him, want to be like them. Want to do this, want to do that. Lots of my prayers and hopes. Until I didn't know exactly what I was thinking. I mostly fantasize that in the end, before trying to get it all I gave up first. It seems like I see people easily get this and that, but I seem to have walked a long way and maybe I have tried to my limits, and still it feels like dreams are so far away. It seems I took one step forward, the dream followed one step forward, even more. So, never met. Maybe the more quickly I walk even when I run, it seems like it's a dream, but it's even faster to avoid me. What the hell? what i just talked about? I made a very unclear and stupid parable. But that's just what I had in mind. As if, something extraordinary is not appropriate for me. I'm not cool enough to get all of it. If I see all those successful people, they are proud of their passion. They also have cool skills, which can lead them to become successful people. I don't know. Now I take many extracurricular activities, because I don't belong to intra-school student organizations. I was disappointed, even though in junior high school, I was a member of an intra-school student organization for two periods. And now, I'm trying to find another way to gain organizational experience. Also to increase the ability. and yes, I got it, good socialization, small organization until committee experience. But, in the extracurricular itself, I don't seem to be developing. I joined mathclub. but I don't love math. No. When I decided to join in, what I thought was, 'I hate math, so I have to get stuck in it, until I can respond normally, so that I'm not not too allergic to mathematics'. Yes like that. But in the end, something that is not from the heart, from the beginning I already do not like it, then it is forced, so that's how it happens. I try not to half-measures. But I don't know. I really do not have the spirit to explore that extracurricular. Seeing people on active, I even feel inferior also insecure. I even down, and increasingly do not want to try. Yeah, I'm really bad. In conclusion, I am not good at math, I do not like math, but instead participated in it and had to be stuck for three years. Which might not get maximum result. And, somehow, maybe in vain? No, I believe that nothing will be in vain. Indeed, I get mathematical tricks that help me a little in class. But yeah, that's how it is. I still don't stand out. Secondly, I joined SQ. SDI Qiraat. study of Islamic da'wah and qiraat. In it, I learned Muhadoroh, Islamic history, qiraat, sholawat until calligraphy. Very Islamic. My intention is to move, because what I'm thinking is, I need an environment that supports me to change. Yes, I want to change. Now, I want to discuss all the activities that I get here. First, muhadoroh. Yes, again I forced myself to get caught up in something I couldn't and didn't like. Hopefully I can like and do that. Yes, maybe I want to be able to, yes but I can't. Yes, that's right. So, from the five muhadoroh meetings, I only came once, because I knew the contents were material, not practice. Because I said no for practice. So, for such a muhadoroh. I don't stand out, I'm not good, I can't, I'm lazy. Alright, done. Next, Islamic history. Yes, I have little intention. I like to see people presenting history. They are great. I feel inferior but here I want to be able to. Hehe. The plus is, like there were cool invitation presenters.   Alumni are also often present. And there are permanent presenters too. Cool alumni, pious, smart, and many more pluses. In presenting himself in public you know. Crazy. So cool. the impression of an intelligent person just wakes out if you see him. OK, stop it. Don't discuss it. The point is I have little intention to in this Islamic history. Next, sholawat. I like to hear people have good voices. But my voice isn't good, what should I do? what else can be said, from the beginning I was insecure, the end I was reluctant. Continue to qiraat. It's the same, vocal technique. My breath is short, my voice is ugly. I like to feel not strong enough when using high notes. I'm also half intent on doing it. Then finally, calligraphy. Yes, I like drawing. But not too good. Besides, my Arabic writing is too bad. I got to the Arabic teacher's comment because it couldn't be read. Okay stop So, for calligraphy, I'm just ordinary. Well. Then, I joined taekwondo. Because I felt I needed this skill, I decided to join. Also, because in my life, I began to feel that I was losing time just for sports, so yes, I chose sports. Because I also feel cool by using dobok, hehe. He said, my movements are good. Because if I kick the one with basic taekwondo, I'm already a pro, because everyday I kick my brother. But, the minus is, because taekwondo needs to be physically strong, I'm up. Honestly, I'm really thin, but even though I'm acting so strong, but still, if I practice hard continuously, the rest doesn't know when, I can collapse. Yes, I've never collapsed. But I swear, I'm really weak. And the decrease in my stamina makes the quality of my movements decrease. The Sabeum always says I'm weak when I reason because my movements are getting ugly because I'm tired. Hey, beum, you can't see my body is so thin, emaciated and drifting in this wind, it's already like plywood. And you still don't have the heart to tell me to run, push-ups, kick, and other dexterity exercises after school from sunrise until sunset. you think I'm sumo who has more energy between the fats. You think I'm a gym kid with strong muscles. I just ran for a while, my waist started to ache. I'm not strong anymore. And you still tell me to train harder. Yes, actually it has to be like that. But this afternoon, after thinking for hours then I have to be physically tired too after being tired of the brain. So here, in taekwondo, I have the intention, but my physical condition is not friendly. So from those three extracurricular activities, I don't know what can I take seriously. What can make me great. I don't stand out anywhere. so, I'm tired of myself. I pursue this and that many things, but there is nothing that I can take seriously. There's nothing that I can get for development. I'm half step. very noob. then suddenly I was put into the whatsApp group of women's organizations in the school, I also became the head of the scout group. Really unwilling.

As for the feminine organization itself, I don't feel that I have any strengths in that field. I'm not too feminine. So if there is a junior beauty consultation and a line of girl problems, I will look like a fool. Okay that's all. This is my story. And you. Yes, you. My future self. I don't know what you'll become like. But, if you read this. You see, right? This is your past. Very gloomy isn't it? LOL. Good life, just happy even though you are not successful, even though you are not cool. do anything that makes you happy. Because in the past, you were really hard to be happy. Therefore, do not let your whole life unhappy. What's more until your future is bleak. Loss. You want to fish, you want to dance while dangdutan. Up to you. Whatever makes you happy. Do it. You can do it. If still not happy. Open Instagram only. Open a dime account. laugh to your heart's content. Stalking someone cool is also okay. Alright. Bye. Hopefully the future is not gray or gloomy. May the bright glow like the sky teet in the afternoon teet blue in color as blue as my heart. BYE!

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